COMMON QUESTIONS

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What is Intimate Partner Violence?

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), a subtype of domestic abuse (DA) or Domestic violence (DV), is a pattern of behaviors used by one romantic partner to maintain power and control over the other partner. This may include physical and sexual assault but doesn’t always. Other common forms of abuse include financial abuse, mental and emotional abuse, and verbal abuse.

All forms of abuse are violent and can have long-term repercussions on the health of the victim.

Note that there is no “typical” abuser or victim; domestic violence occurs across all ages, races, religions, socio-economic statuses, and sexual orientations. The key indicators of an abusive relationship are if there is a consistent power differential between partners and a trending pattern of dominance, control, and manipulation by one partner that leads to the diminishing of the other.

 

What are the warning signs of an abusive person?

  • Shifting blame

  • Becoming defensive when confronted

  • Minimizing actions 

  • Repeating hurtful behaviors

  • Twisting partner’s words

  • Being unwilling to receive feedback or criticism

  • Retaliating or being vindictive

  • Insisting on controlling finances 

  • Isolating partner from friends and family 

  • Preventing partner from getting or keeping a job

  • Touting male privilege, head of household, or biblical male “authority”

  • Stonewalling / silent treatment

  • Extreme jealousy or possessiveness

  • Tracking phone calls and texts / insists on having partner’s phone password

  • Following or keeping tabs on partner’s whereabouts

  • Name calling, comparing partner to other people, putting partner down in front of others

  • Not allowing partner to make any major decisions / places little value on partner’s opinions 

  • Not respecting partner’s boundaries or decisions 

  • Coercing or pressuring partner into sexual acts that are unwanted or uncomfortable

  • Belittles partner’s accomplishments, values, and opinions

    *This is not a complete list. If you are concerned that you or someone you know may be in an abusive relationship, consider taking our Relationship Inventory.

 

What are the signs that someone might be a victim of domestic abuse?

  • Frequent or unexplainable bruises, lacerations, broken bones, etc.

    • Minimizing injuries

    • Wearing more clothing than the weather calls for to cover injuries

  • Many seemingly minor but continual and/or varied physical complaints or symptoms

  • Constant phone calls and texts from partner demanding where they are, who they are with, or what they are doing

  • Sudden social distance from friends and family members

  • Decline in participation in previous hobbies and interests

  • Defensiveness about relationship and frequent excuses or justifications for partner’s controlling, harmful, or manipulative behavior

  • Signs of increased anxiety, depression, hopelessness, and fear

  • Lack of access to money, credit cards, bank accounts, and vehicles

  • Mentions that partner is overprotective, possessive, or jealous

  • A dive in self-image and self-worth

  • Express guilt, self-blame, and shame and deny the legitimacy of their own feelings and needs

    *This is not a complete list.

 

What is consent?

Most people have heard the phrase "no means no" in reference to sexual consent. However, in many situations, a person may not be comfortable or able to say no. For instance, when incapacitated by alcohol or injury, frozen in fear, or coerced, manipulated, or guilted into a sexual act.

Consent is not "yes unless otherwise stated." It is "no unless otherwise stated."

It requires safe communication and both partners' continuous, freely given, mutual agreement. This includes in marriage relationships! Marriage is not a license to impose unwanted physical or sexual acts on the other spouse.